"So well behaved!"
"She doesn't give you any trouble?"
"How do you get her to be so good?"
I'll tell you how... I don't.
My fiance said something earlier this evening that got me thinking. We were watching The Simpsons (i know, not exactly stimulating television), and Homer was crooning over what a good baby Maggie was. Skie then blurts out "pfftt! There's no such thing as a good baby!"
My immediate reaction was "What? What are you talking about? Of course babies are good!"
But then i thought deeper.
Why is it that society is so obsessed with a babies behavior?
The more i thought about it, the more i realized that he is right! That's right, a woman admitted that her partner was right haha!
There are no good babies...
Or bad babies.
This should come as no surprise to anyone, that babies do not have the ability to consciously alter their behavior in a way that is deemed acceptable by society. Babies are entirely instinctual. I say *should* because unfortunately, not everyone realizes this. I see so much from the pro CIO crowd that seeks to make parents believe that their infants are manipulating them.
Listen here new parents: Your babies are not manipulating you!!
Your babies rely entirely on constant contact with you! You are their life support. You are their food source, their caregiver, their "security blanket" if you will. Imagine being in a warm, dark, safe, secluded place for 9 months, and then suddenly being ejected from that, into a cold, shocking, waking world!
That is quite an adjustment to make, which is why it is so important for your babies to know that you are right there for them. Babywearing is one way to achieve this. I held Emberlynn 24/7 for the first 5 months. She is 8 months old now, and still gets held a good portion of the day. However, she is now at an age where she can play and occupy herself for about 15-20 minutes at a time. Sometimes less than that, and sometimes more. But she still rely's on me.
Even Eragon and Zachary still need me for comfort. Eragon just turned 3 in September, and Zachary just turned 2 on the 15th, and they both still need me to hold them tons. It doesn't make them bad. It means they have a need for comfort that is met by being held.
Why must society be so stuck on the idea of a baby being "good" or "bad"? And at that rate, what exactly entails good or bad? What criteria must be met? These days it seems that babies must never cry, never fuss, and somehow telepathically communicate their needs to their parents. Never need to be held, stay full for hours at a time, and sleep from 7 PM to 8 AM. These things... Will NEVER happen. Sorry to break it to those who believe that's how it should be, but it will NEVER happen. There are few absolutes in life, but that is one of them.
To make a long rant short, why can't we just listen to the needs of our children, and respond to them appropriately? What is so difficult about taking a little extra time to make sure your little one is fed, clean, and comforted before going back to whatever it is you were doing beforehand? Obviously, there are some extenuating circumstances where you won't be able to respond the second the baby starts crying, but still. We should not make this a permanent practice. Children are not meant to be left to cry it out. Crying does not mean that the child is being naughty, and not crying does not mean they are being good. Children have very limited ways to communicate their needs, and emotions, and crying is the very first way.
So, in short; Respond to your babies. And hey, listen to the things your partner says too! They may surprise you with something profound ;)
