 |
| Eragon Gender Ultrasound |
 |
| Pregnant with Eragon |
I had Eragon at 17. I did my prenatal care at St. Lukes Memorial Hospital in New Hartford, NY. I was born there, Skie was born there, and it was the only baby hospital in the area. It was a completely problem-free pregnancy. I went into labor at 37 weeks on Sept. 24 2010. My Doctor was Dr. Albert Lyon. I was in back labor, and panicked, so i went to the hospital immediately. They started by putting monitors all over my belly, putting a saline drip, and a heplock in, keeping all the lights off except a little desk lamp for the doctor so i could barely see, making my lay flat on my back (almost upsidedown it felt like), and holding down my arms
when i tried to move. I started panicking even more, so they put an oxygen mask on me, which only made it harder for me to breathe. I tried to take it off, but they just held it down. I eventually gave up and fell asleep.
I woke up 20 minutes later with my hospital bed sheets soaked. The doctor had broken my water without my knowledge or consent while i was asleep. From there, the contractions got worse. I was so out of it, i didn't even know why they brought me into surgery, and i never signed a consent form. When i got the spinal, i was having a contraction. That, coupled with my phobia of needles, and low tolerance for pain, made me flinch. The anesthesiologist yelled at me "hold still" all while i was scared, crying, and clinging onto a nurse. I yelled back "i'm f*cking trying!" He then said to me "Did you just yell at me? You know i have your needle right?" I was too shocked, scared, and in pain to say anything after that. I just braced up, and cry/screamed into the nurses shoulder with each needle prick. I started going numb, so they went to help me on my back. I was already too numb to move, so they yelled at me "Roll over! roll over! roll over!" When i couldn't even move. They strapped my arms down, and put the screen up. Only then did they let Skie in the room.
What seemed like hours later, i felt a great pressure relief, and i could breathe again. Eragon was out, but he wasn't crying. They got him to cry after a minute or so, but it sounded halted. They cleaned him off, and Skie brought him over to show me. I got to see his face, but now that i look back, i can't even remember. I went into recovery, and woke up 2 hours later in the most excruciating pain i have ever felt. It didn't just hurt in my incision. It ached in my whole body.
 |
| Eragon in the NICU |
By that time, Skie and my mother had been with Eragon, and gotten to hold him, while i didn't even know what he looked like. It turns out, he was brought to the NICU. Due to being born at 37 weeks, he had underdeveloped lungs, and immature nervous system, and mild jaundice. A few hours later, i was allowed to be wheeled into the NICU to see him. I couldn't see him because he was under the billi lights. I was sitting in my wheelchair, and the hospital safety bassinet they had him in was up past my head. All i could do was reach up, and stroak his hand. I had Skie take a picture of him with my phone so i could finally see him.
 |
| The picture i had Skie take |
He was beautiful. Dark eyes, light hair, and just a bit chubby :') I asked the nurses if i could hold him, and they said no. So, they were giving him formula all that time, plus had him on a saline drip, and a ventilator. I wasn't able to hold him until the next afternoon. I wasn't allowed to nurse for reasons unknown to me. I didn't know i could refuse things. No-one told me i had rights, so i had to go with it. I was finally able to hold him, and feed him some of my pumped breast milk.
The NICU nurses were all older ladies (estimated around their mid- 50's), and all looked down on a 17 year old mother. Everyone except one nurse. Her name was Jill. To this day, i wish i had gotten her last name, or at least gotten the chance to tell her how much her support meant to me. She too was a young mother. She took the time to talk to me, and even helped me latch! All the other nurses ignored me.
 |
| The first time i ever held him |
He had to stay because of his jaundice. I was discharged, but decided to board at the hospital with him. I couldn't bare to leave my little baby there without me. 5 days after admittance, we were sent home. My recovery was agonizing. It was 3 months before i could move normally, but my scar was still numb. My milk dried up after only 3 weeks home from the hospital.
 |
| Eragon at 3 months old |
Ever since his birth, i knew i didn't want to have another c-section. When he was 4 months old, i was told that because of an infection i got that i would never have any more children. I was devastated, and crying for days. My family told me to get over it, and just be happy that i had a healthy son. Being told i was infertile, i stopped my birth control.
Not too long after, up came those two pink lines. I was pregnant again!
 |
| Zachary at about 19 weeks |
 |
| 38 weeks pregnant with Zachary |
Not wanting a RCS, i started looking at other options. I found out about VBAC's. I started my prenatal care at the same hospital where i had Eragon. Luckily, i had a different doctor this time. He was completely supportive, and willing to assist my VBAC. All was well, up until my 39 week scan on Nov. 15th 2011 By this time, i was 19. They determined i had "low fluid levels" and told me i had to be brought in for an emergency c-section right then. I informed the doctor that i had been leaking a fluid all morning, and asked that he test it for amniotic fluid. He ignored me. I told them i wasn't prepared. They let me go home, and pack my hospital bag. Skie wasn't helping with my feelings at all. We had been having problems, and were living separately at the time. We were still together, just not living together. He was mad because we hadn't had sex in awhile, wanted to right then, but i didn't want to, so we fought all the way to the hospital. However, he quickly got over it, and became my supportive, loving partner again.
It all became a repeat of my last experience. They strapped me on the bed with 3 different fetal monitors on me, a saline drip, and a heplock. And wouldn't even let me sit up straight. They let me recline slightly elevated which KILLED my back! I (thankfully) was allowed ice water and ginger ale instead of ice chips. The nurses came in every hour to check on me. They kept telling me "Oh! You're up next! You'll have this baby by X o'clock!!" Then they would come in a few minutes later, and say "Oh, i'm sorry. We had to get someone in ahead of you. It'll be another hour."
This went on for the next 10 hours. Alll 10 of which i spent on my back, i,v's in my arms, and a balloon catheter in me. Every way i moved hurt. Finally, at about 6:40 PM, they brought me in for the RCS. It went much the same as the first. Luckily, the only problem my second son had in common with my first was the jaundice, so he didn't have to stay for an extended time.
 |
| Zachary breastfeeding |
However, once again, my recovery was agonizing. At least this time Zachary got to stay in the room with me.
 |
| Skie holding Zachary in the hospital |
I also had a roommate this time, which meant that Skie couldn't stay during the night. I was breastfeeding on demand, and trying my hardest to take care of him while in agony. At one point, i let him go to the nursery so i could sleep for a little bit. When i woke up, i realized i had missed his feeding! I went down to the nursery (which took about 20 minutes for me to walk there despite being 2 doors down the hall). They told me i missed the feeding, so they fed him. I wanted him strictly breastfed. I hadn't pumped, so that meant they gave him formula without my consent.
When my OB, Dr. Joseph Muok, came in to see me, he said "this was your last chance. Now that you've had two c-sections, no doctor will VBAC you. Not even me." Then he left. I never saw him again after that. When i was discharged from the hospital, i hadn't been given any pain relief in several hours, and coudn't even dress myself. It took an hour for me to get dressed, and get into the wheelchair. And that was WITH help. My mothers husband (my step father) drove the car home. Me and him have never gotten along, so he made a point to hit every single bump, and pothole he could all the way home. According to him, i was "over exaggerating" and that c-section surgery was "just a minor procedure". He had never had surgery of any kind.
Anyway, i recovered from there. I knew for a fact that i never wanted to experience that all ever, ever again. By this time, me and Skie were living together again. At Zachary's 1 week appointment with the pediatrician, she said his jaundice level was 12, and that it was dangerous. She said going over 15 would mean hospitalization. Then she said "It's called breastmilk jaundice. Your milk is making him sick because it's not good enough. If you don't stop breastfeeding him, we WILL hospitalize him, and he could die. Is that what you want?"
I left her office with 3 bottles of liquid similac, and tears pouring down my face.
 |
| All 4 of us. |
Things went on from there. Me and Skie have been working on our problems ever since, and raising our two boys who are now 2 (27 months), and 1 (13 months this saturday). During my Post Partum time, i developed severe depression from my experiences, and an eating disorder. I lost 55 lbs in 3 months. When Zachary was 6 months old, and after a lot of ups and downs, and moving around;
 |
| There's a bun in the oven ;) |
Despite using 3 different forms of birth control, i found out i was pregnant a third time.
 |
| Emberlynn 9 week ultrasound |
This time, failure is NOT an option.
 |
| It's a girl!!! |
I am now 26 weeks 2 days pregnant with our first little girl, Emberlynn. Reluctantly, i started my prenatal care at the very same hospital i had my 2 c-sections at. Mostly because it is the only baby hospital within 2 hours. The second i walked into the door of my first prenatal appointment, two nurses immediately recognized me. They came up to me, looked straight at me, but said to eachother "Oh my gosh! Look how much weight she's lost, only to get knocked up again!" (other nurse) "I know! Now she's just gonna get fat again!" I didn't know what else to say, so i just said "Uh, yeah. I guess so. Heh heh."
I went in the first room to get weighed, get my vitamins, and check my blood pressure. The nurse started rattling off her chart. "third pregnancy, third baby, everything looks good, weight is normal, you're having a repeat c-section, take 1 vitamin a day, and we'll see you back in 4 weeks. Okay?" I had to do a double take. "What do you mean a repeat c-section?" i said. "I want to have a VBAC." The nurse then replied with "Well, sweetie, you can't. You've had 2 c-sections. You have no proof that you even CAN birth a baby."
 |
| About how big i am now |
By this time, i had already spent the better part of a year researching, joining VBAC support groups, and gathering up every bit of evidence i had to support my decision. I was assigned my doctor. Dr. Marion Neulander. I did research on my doctor, and found out that he was originally from the hospital 2 hours away, and routinely practices VBAC's! I was ecstatic!! Until i have gone all this time without meeting him. He took a leave of absence just before my first appointment due to the death of his wife. All this time, i was told he would be back soon, and not to worry. Then, i found out last month he retired. So, there went that idea.
I stuck to my guns anyway. I know they cannot force me to undergoe surgery again, and i have the right to refuse, or demand anything i so please. However, i have had to constantly battle with the nurses, listening to them tell me i have no "proven pelvis" and how "dangerous a VBAC is". I know the risks, and i know they are lower than the risks of repeat surgery. Aside from that, my mental and emotional condition would crumble if i was forced into another unnecessary c-section.
I have been contemplating going out to Crouse (the hospital 2 hours away which is located in Syracuse, NY) my whole pregnancy as they have a fantastic reputation, a very small c-section and intervention rate, and practice VBAC routinely. The only problem there is transportation because i don't have a car or a lisence. I wanted to just go unassisted at home, but Skie wants me to be in the hospital. He is the number 1 person in my support and care team, and it is absolutely essential to me that he is there to support me, and be my advocate if i can't speak for myself.
At my last OB appointment, i FINALLY got to speak to a doctor. He told me that while his c-section rate is only 11%, and he fully supports VBAC's (after 1 c-section that is), that his colleagues do not. Apparently, if all the doctors don't agree, then i am "not allowed" to VBAC. And while i know this to be complete crap, i am just done fighting. The last thing i want is to have to be fighting off interventions and scalpels with a whip and a chair between contractions.
So, for now the plan is that they are setting up an appointment for me to talk to the people out in Crouse. I do not currently have a care provider, and am hoping that all goes well in Crouse, i find a good supportive care provider, get the birth experience i have always dreamed of, and can succesfully breastfeed this time.
So, these are my birth stories, and current pregnancy plans. I wish i had the time to fully write it out, and make it something actually well-written; but that's not easy with two walking boys running around. So, i guess that's all for now. See ya ;)
I had a VBa2C in October of 2011. You can too! Finding a supportive provider and birthing place is key. Good luck.
ReplyDelete